Sunday, July 12, 2009

Social Networking: Making Old Girlfriends Pay

Julie K had better watch out. You see Julie was my first love back in the eighth grade. Until, that is, she turned me down for the Valentine's Day Dance. Now, after 27 years of dealing with the pain, it's time for a little pain and suffering on her end.
I'm going to use social networking to make her pay.
First, a few facts. Her friend Sarah told me she wanted to go to the dance. Then, I asked her and she broke my heart in two. And I must say, I was a catch back in 1981. I sat in the back of the bus with the other cool kids, I wore a concert shirt to school at least two days a week (sure sign of coolness back then) and I even shaved once every few weeks. Heck, I had hair back then.
But Julie ruined my life. (I'm playing Lionel Richie's "Endless Love" as I write this).
Now, it's her turn to suffer. I'm going to use every social networking site I know (Blogs and more blogs, LinkedIn, MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter, etc.) to basically trash Julie.
I was talking with a PR professional last week and he mentioned that PR firms (who used to promote businesses) will now help disseminate messages (for and against others) through social networking sites. These firms make it look like a real grassroots undertaking. (Don't want the world to know it's really four guys in a South County cubicle.) I'm going to hire that PR firm. Ah, the world against Julie K. I can rally every heartbroken 8th grader against her.
Then, I'm going to hire an IT firm to make sure all of these entries end up high on Google's searches. Julie's dog will soon know how bad she hurt me.
I could walk away, move on with my life and not worry about Julie. Yeah, right. Why would I do that when social networking is here to make people like Julie pay.
I'm looking for much more than an apology. I've had years of pain and suffering. I'm thinking a two-week cruise to the Caribbean might help.
Now, Julie will probably hire her own PR firms and disseminate bad information about me or information to make herself look better. She'll probably also hire an IT firm. She may even tell some stories about me to discredit me.
That's OK, my PR firm will just disseminate some more crap about her.
I just want to thank the designers of social networking. Somehow, when the idea of social engineering began, getting back at Julie K was exactly what the founders had in mind.
--Ron Ameln, SBM


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